Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Rap-tivist Judges

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to meet one of my judicial heroes -- Pennsylvania Supreme Court Justice Michael Eakin, or as he is known on the street -- Eminee (M & E).  He has earned his moniker for writing some of the "dopest" rhymes out of Philly since the Fresh Prince's Parents Just Don't Understand.  Here are just a few samples of Eakin's lyrical skills:

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, 
but the Vehicle Code does not divorce 
its application from, perforce, 
a steed, as my colleagues said.

"It's not vague" I'll say until I'm hoarse, 
and whether a car, a truck or horse 
this law applies with equal force, 
and I'd reverse instead.
Yeah, boy!  But check this one out:

A groom must expect matrimonial pandemonium 
When his spouse finds he’s given her a cubic zirconium 
Instead of a diamond in her engagement band 
The one he said was worth 21 grand.

Now, you can say what you want, but anyone who can find a rhyme for "cubic zirconium" shouldn't be on the bench, but instead, should be on a private yacht somewhere sipping Cristol surrounded by the "honeys."  In fact, when I met him, I chided him that if he were to add a few N-words, B-words and H-words to his opinions, he could get a recording contract.  He politely said that he would "take it under advisement."

Nevertheless, it was just a matter of time before an east coast - west coast judicial rivalry was spawned.  And it seems to have started now that Judge Ronald Leighton (aka "Lay-Lay") began kicking funky rhymes in response to an incredibly verbose lawsuit filing (the filing was 465 pages long, 8 pages of which were the title):

Plaintiff has a great deal to say,
But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a). 
His Complaint is too long, 
Which renders it wrong, 
Please rewrite and refile today.

Before long, we can expect judges in the "dirty south" -- the 11th Circuit -- the get in on the act (sadly, I suspect that the judicial contingent from Alabama won't be so reticent to use the N-word ... yes, I'm kidding my friends in Alabama).  In any event, if we can just get Diddy to create a reality show for these aspiring raptivists, perhaps in the line of Making Da Band.  In fact, he could call it Making Da Court.  In between walking to Brooklyn to pick up his dry cleaning, Diddy might want to enlist the judge's help in getting his record child support payments reduced.  Yeah, boy!

1 comment:

Sean Carter said...

Question for your consideration:

Is it appropriate for a jurist to issue rulings in verse?