Two Days in a Row

Wow!  After losing four blogs on the first day, we only lost one blog on Day #2 -- Two Lawyers in a Podcast, which ironically is a blog that I write with my podcast co-host (I believe in setting a good example, you know).  From a technical standpoint, I was actually disqualified on the first day as my August 10th post didn't become effective until August 11th according to the time-date stamp on the site.  I'm almost sure that I posted before midnight Pacific Time, but perhaps, the blog is set to a different time zone.  Or perhaps, I'm not smart enough to tell time (the big hand tells hours, right?).  Either way, I'm out and you could be too so don't wait until the last minute.  This is Blawger Survivor -- not the bar exam!

On the bright side, losing this contest seems to be a good omen.  One of the blogs eliminated on Day #1 -- Out-House General Counsel -- is the most popular blawg on the ABA Journal Blawg Directory today (just think if the author had actually posted something this week ... hehe).

On an even brighter note, today's featured blawg on the ABA Journal site belongs to Cynthia Rowland, the author of Leadership, Women, Lawyers.  You go, girlfriend!  And when you hit the "big-time," don't forget us little people.

The Herd is Thinning Already

On our first day of the contest, we lost four blawgs.  That leaves just 13 fearless blawggers vying for the title of sole survivor.  By the way, I've added a new widget to this site that gives a birds-eye view of the survivors' blawgs (including the time of their last post) so you can now "spy" on the competition without visiting a dozen different websites.

Although, on that note, I suspect that we might not have a dozen castaways for too much longer.  Interestingly, about half of you wrote about this contest in your first entry.  Unless you are planning on devoting your blog to promoting my blawg (be my guest), the creative juices need to start flowing ... and quickly.  You have less than 12 hours to post your next entry.

Body Flab Search

Whenever I slacked off in school, my parents would threaten me with the prospect of eventually becoming a street sweeper, ditch digger or worse, the Republican nominee for President.   For the last few years, I've employed a similar tactic with my teenage son (with a similar lack of success).  However, I think that is going to change when I next threaten my son that if he doesn't study harder in school, he will grow up to become a correctional officer at the Harris County Jail in Texas.

What's wrong with working at the Harris County Jail?  Until recently, probably nothing.  However, that was before it was discovered that a 500-lb man (pictured above) secreted a gun into the jail by hiding it under the folds of his fat.  (See the full story)  This is despite the fact that the inmate had been searched for weapons upon his arrest, upon being booked into city jail and then again at the county jail.

Obviously, the regular procedure of strip searches and body cavity searches wasn't sufficiently "thorough."  To prevent other overweight inmates from sneaking weapons, contraband and Sony Playstations into the jail, the guards will be forced to initiate ... it's hard to even type ... body flab searches.  

By threatening my son with a future of vigorously inspecting the fat folds of a morbidly obese person, I will motive him to try harder in school (or at least, think twice before marrying a Judd).  Either way, I think I will have done my job as a parent.

Blawger Survivor: Outpost, Outread, Outlast

If you're like me, then every Sunday afternoon, you say to yourself, "This week is the week that I start blogging regularly! I mean it this time!" However, before you know it, it's Thursday and you haven't posted a single entry on your blog. So you say to yourself, "Next week is the week that I start blogging regularly! I mean it this time!" In a desperate attempt to break that cycle, I'm inviting you to join me in playing Blawger Survivor.

We've all heard that it takes just three weeks to develop a habit. Hopefully, many of us can develop this habit over the next three weeks by participating in this contest whereby we will be challenged to post an entry on our blawgs EACH day (well, at least, each weekday). And while there is no length requirement for your post, it must include at least one link or reference to another blog (remember, a great blogger is an even greater reader). If you miss even a single day, you are out of the contest. At the end of the three weeks, the winners will receive the coveted title of "Blawger Survivor" (and maybe even a copy of my book, if there aren't too many of you).

Now, because many of us are lawyers, I realize that it's necessary to be extra clear about the rules, so here goes:

You have until 11:59 pm PST on Sunday, August 9th to sign up for the contest. You sign up by simply posting a comment below with the name and URL of your blog (also, any trash-talking comments you'd like to add for the heck of it).  Shortly thereafter, your blog will appear in the list of blogs listed under caption "Blawger Survivors" on the right.  Your blog link will remain in this list so long as you continue in the contest.

You must post a qualifying entry for every day of the contest (Monday through Friday for the weeks ending August 14, 21 and 28).  The official post time will be taken from the time and date stamp on your blawg.  If you fail to post a qualifying entry on any day of the contest, your blawg will be removed from the survivors list.  A qualifying entry must include at least one link or reference to another blog.

I'll be posting daily updates about the contest so make sure that you check back from time to time.  And, of course, feel free to contact me with any questions, comments, or suggestions.  Good luck and have fun!

Move Over Jon Stewart ... Here I Come

The Beginning of the End?

My entry into a field of endeavor usually spells the beginning of the end for the field and its institutions.  I ushered in the rise of online brokerage services by joining an offline broker in the early 1990s.  I popped the tech bubble by purchasing my first Internet stock in February 2000.  I later brought on the current financial collapse by working for one of the nation's largest subprime lenders.  Every company or law firm for which I've ever worked has eventually gone out of business.  The only institution that I haven't destroyed by my mere presence is the institution of marriage, which was already ruined when I got to it.

That being said, here is my debut on the Legal Broadcast Network, reporting "live" from the Sotomayor hearings in Washington, D.C.  The countdown to the collapse of the news business can now begin.

Lawpsided Reason #3 to Love Layoffs: Living the Dream

If the promise of weight loss and closer family relationships isn't enough to allow you to accept (if not outright, enjoy) being laid off, then perhaps you'll embrace the concept of being able to pursue your dreams.  After all, where you really that happy in your past job?  If you're anything like me (and heaven help you, if you are), then your former employer may have done you the biggest favor of your life.  And, unlike in my CLE seminars, I actually know what I'm talking about in this case.

I was never quite cut out for being a large law firm associate.  Sure, I was able to fake my way through it with good looks, wit and my renown sense of humility, but I wasn't happy.  In fact, I remember sitting through a seminar and listening to the speaker ask the audience, "If you won $40 million in the California lottery tomorrow, would you show up to work on Monday?"  I thought, "I'm not showing up Monday or Tuesday or the following July!  Heck, I wouldn't even go back to the office to pick up my stuff, including the pictures of my wife and kids.  In fact, if I left my actual wife and kids in the office, I'm still not going back!  I'll send a limo for them; or maybe not."

It's safe to say that I was jaded.  Fortunately, shortly thereafter, my law firm "freed up my future for other opportunities" (their words not mine).  And after ten years of reflection (and hundreds of sessions of therapy), I've come to realize that they did this black man the greatest favor since CBS cancelled Good Times.  I now have a job that I love more than J.J. loved Big Macs.  All I can say is, "Dynomite!"

If you've ever contemplated a career change, or even a life change, what better time than now?  What do you have to lose -- your economic security?  At this point, it should be clear to everyone that economic security is a utopian fantasy, much like say, world peace, happily ever after or an Obama cabinet member's tax return.  So don't let the fact that your bank account is more overdrawn than Jessica Rabbit stop you from pursuing your dream job.  Even if you fall hopelessly in debt with no chance of ever being able to repay it, what's the worse they can do to you -- make you CEO of Citibank?  In other words, as my broker started saying last fall, "It's money, right?  Oh God!  Please shoot me!"

Of course, if you're happy practicing law, then by all means, return to the practice when things turn around. However, in the meantime, you should at least seize the opportunity to pursue your other interests (or better yet, to get some).  And for once, take the limits off of your dreams.  The sky is the limit ... literally!

For example, in the past, you may have always wanted to sky dive.  However, you talked yourself out of it because it wasn't the smart thing to do.  You had a family depending upon your income for their economic survival.  If you were hurt or injured in some way, you would be putting everyone at risk.  Well, not anymore!  You're probably worth more dead now than you are worth alive (a fact you might want to hide from your spouse).  In essence, you're playing with the house's money.  Let it ride!

If you want to skydive, do it.  If you want to bungee jump, do it.  If you want to date on the Internet ... don't be silly!  There are limits to what is prudent, even for the unemployed.  However, with that one exception, nothing should be off the table.

Take, for instance, one of my biggest fantasies -- being a contestant on the reality TV show, Survivor.  Each year, they choose a lawyer to be on the show.  He or she never wins, but I can't help but to think, "That could be me who the entire tribe hates and can't wait to vote out!"  If you've ever felt the same way, this is your opportunity to finally live your dream.

When you were employed at the big firm, it was out of the question.  Could you imagine asking the managing partner for six weeks off so you could participate in a "game show"?  You would have had a better chance of getting through airport security wearing an "I Love Osama bin Laden" t-shirt.  However, now you can go with the firm's complete blessing.  In fact, they might actually pay for one-way airfare if you agree to stop posting hateful comments about the firm on your blog, ThoseSelfishBastards.com.

Best of all, your recent experience of being unemployed should make you the odds-on favorite to win the prize of Sole Survivor and $1 million.  While the other contestants are whining about being deprived of luxuries like soap, pillows and food, you'll be whistling Dixie thinking, "No food?  What are they talking about?  I found a tasty earthworm just two days ago.  How often do these wimps expect to eat -- weekly?"

And even if you don't win, you'll have the pride of knowing that you did what most people can only imagine -- you pursued a dream.  Or, you can sit around updating your blog every hour about the most recent law firm round of lay-offs.  Take your pick!