Body Flab Search

Whenever I slacked off in school, my parents would threaten me with the prospect of eventually becoming a street sweeper, ditch digger or worse, the Republican nominee for President.   For the last few years, I've employed a similar tactic with my teenage son (with a similar lack of success).  However, I think that is going to change when I next threaten my son that if he doesn't study harder in school, he will grow up to become a correctional officer at the Harris County Jail in Texas.

What's wrong with working at the Harris County Jail?  Until recently, probably nothing.  However, that was before it was discovered that a 500-lb man (pictured above) secreted a gun into the jail by hiding it under the folds of his fat.  (See the full story)  This is despite the fact that the inmate had been searched for weapons upon his arrest, upon being booked into city jail and then again at the county jail.

Obviously, the regular procedure of strip searches and body cavity searches wasn't sufficiently "thorough."  To prevent other overweight inmates from sneaking weapons, contraband and Sony Playstations into the jail, the guards will be forced to initiate ... it's hard to even type ... body flab searches.  

By threatening my son with a future of vigorously inspecting the fat folds of a morbidly obese person, I will motive him to try harder in school (or at least, think twice before marrying a Judd).  Either way, I think I will have done my job as a parent.